In the unlikely event that you’ve emailed me a Valentine’s Day card, I’m afraid you’ve wasted your time for a number of reasons:
1. I’m a happily married man, and my wife tells me I am not allowed secret admirers so all such cards get routed to the trashcan without me opening them.
2. I’m not exactly sex on a stick material being a big, bald, heavily tattooed biker type. If you did secretly fancy me, then there is obviously something wrong with you so your card will be routed to the trashcan without me opening it.
3. While I am aware of the whole ‘attracted to the bad boy types’ thing (and thank goodness for that, he says referring to point 2) when it comes to Valentine’s Day the roles often get reversed and it’s the bad boys (and girls) who get attracted to your mailbox. To avoid the spam, phishing attempts and malware all the ecards and messages get, you guessed it, dumped in the trash without opening them.